Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
