Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
