Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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