I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I am naked and annoyed.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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