the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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