Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
