My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
