oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
