My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
