Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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