Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
