we're blogging at a bar
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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