I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
