after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
