I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
