apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
