I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
