his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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