If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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