it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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