Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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