sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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