Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
