stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
