a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
