I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
