What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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