I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
