11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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