Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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