you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
