i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
