it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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