Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
