Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I need moral support for this bender
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
