I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
