I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
