Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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