Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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