I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
