all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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