i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
