so that wasnt chicken after all
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
