btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
