I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
