no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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