K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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