We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
