well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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