i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
