my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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