I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
