Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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