If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
People in love make me want to vomit
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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