I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
