Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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