Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
