im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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